my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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