I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
