I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
