Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
