He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
