Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
