i permit you to call me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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