That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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