Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just crazy horny about you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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