you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
