I just pynch a tree in the face
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
