i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
