to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
