you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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