Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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