Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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