She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
