My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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