your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
