So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
