Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
