My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
