I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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