apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
