thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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