I just found puke in my bra..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
