Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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