when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
