I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
