I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
