Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
