I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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