I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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