I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We need a shit load of segways right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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