I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
