I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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