I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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