party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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