I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your tits are I can't wait for
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
