New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My feet surprised me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
