just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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