Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just pee around me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
