My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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