summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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