i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it glows. i had to have it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
