You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
