Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
