I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
