i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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