I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
