Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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