Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
